so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
