i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
