apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
