Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
