The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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