med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
