honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
