Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
