i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
