So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
