I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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