a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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