Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
