Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
