I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
