woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
