I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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