told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
