I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
