i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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