kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
