look no pants
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
