I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
as a side note pls kill me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
