I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
