She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
