i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
