i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
