Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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