dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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