Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
