why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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