I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
