no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
