I can text with my tongue
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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