Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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