I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Less talking, more tequila
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
