her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
