i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
