Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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