I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
