Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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