I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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