I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
