apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
They are going to name an STD after you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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