I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So vagazzling was a success
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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