Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
