6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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