I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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