Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
