There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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