Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
