It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
