Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
