How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize