Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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