dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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