Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
