Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
