Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
