she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
birth control should be required to get into college
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
