You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
