he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
