he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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