I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
