thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
