Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Randomize
