So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
