He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
