im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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