Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
His nipple licking is glorious
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