She said her name was "party"
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
