I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
