I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
