Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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