It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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