I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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